Dwonna Know What I Think?”
A social/lifestyle advice and commentary column by guest contributor Dr. Dwonna Naomi Goldstone. Dr. Goldstone is a Professor of English and Coordinator of the African American Studies Minor at Austin Peay State University in Clarksville, Tennessee.
I was married for 23 years, and although my husband is a really nice guy, he is just more “simple” than I am. He’s happy living in his small town of 2,000 people and working at the same job for 35 years. I wanted more for the last third of my life, so I moved to Nashville and am embarking on creating a life on my own. One of my best friends—who still lives in the same small town as my husband does—has asked me if it’s ok if she pursues a relationship with him. I have no hard feelings about my ex-husband, we have a wonderful son together, and our split was amicable even though he did not really want the divorce.I really do want him to be happy. What do you think I should say to my friend?
Two Less Lonely People in the World?
Dear “Two Less Lonely People in the World”:
Wow! That’s a tough one. I think the fact that you and your husband are on good terms is both good news and bad news. The good news is that you probably really do want your husband to be happy and for him to find someone with whom he can share his life in that small town of 2,000 people. The bad news is that you probably did not expect that person to be one of your best friends.
If you truly believe that your best friend would make a wonderful companion for your husband, why not give her your blessing and see where it goes? The fact that you do not live in the same town as the two of them means that you won’t have to see them together very often, and hopefully the two of them will have enough compassion to not do any “PDAs” when you are at gatherings where they will be present. Do tell your friend, however, that you do not want to hear any trash talking about your ex-husband, and if you’re like me, you probably do not want to hear all of the wonderful things he is doing for her either.
Wishing them well is just good karma for you, too. Good luck!
*Dr. Goldstone lives in Nashville with her four unruly dogs—Satchel Paige, Butterfly McQueen, Charlie Parker, and Lena Horne. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.