Dwonna Know What I Think?”
A social/lifestyle advice and commentary column by guest contributor Dr. Dwonna Naomi Goldstone. Dr. Goldstone is a Professor of English and Coordinator of the African American Studies Minor at Austin Peay State University in Clarksville, Tennessee.
My best friend of almost 30 years has been dating my ex-husband for a month, and although I originally suggested that she consider dating him when I decided to divorce him nine months ago, I’m not completely ok with their budding relationship, especially after I learned that they had sex in what used to be our bed. My ex-husband and I have only been divorced since June, and she wants to insert herself in every family event. What should I do?
Dear “Feeling Betrayed”:
Wow. You’re in a very difficult situation, and I can only imagine how conflicted you must feel.
I think that the first thing you must do is to stop thinking about this woman as your best friend because best friends do not date the other’s ex-husband, even if said friend suggests it. If she really were your “best” friend, she would have realized that there is an unwritten code of conduct between friends that says that you do not sleep with an ex of any kind.
How do you know that she’s been sleeping in your former marital bed? For your sanity’s sake, please stop talking to your “friend” and your ex-husband about their relationship because nothing good will come out of those conversations.
However, it is perfectly appropriate for you to ask your ex-husband to not bring your “friend” to family gatherings because it’s just too soon for you.
I hope that he respects your wishes.
*Dr. Goldstone lives in Nashville with her four unruly dogs—Satchel Paige, Butterfly McQueen, Charlie Parker, and Lena Horne. She can be reached at email@example.com.